I asked a friend today if she had any ideas of what I should write about next. She said food! And the allure of food.  That is the last thing I should be writing on! It is fairly well documented that I don’t care a whole lot about food. I am grateful to have it and to have easy access to food, and live in a society where generally anything is accessible any time of the year. I am grateful that my animals are a bit on the plump side because it means I can afford to fill their tummies and that it’s just a short drive into town to get them food. (I am also grateful that my saint bernard has a small appetite.)

But the concept of getting tired of something, or the joy to making an elaborate meal is lost on me. I should probably not admit in writing how many times I’ve made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for work.  But her statement did get me thinking and reminded me of a podcast I listened to the other day. In this podcast it was presented that we eat certain things (junk food, fast food, generally anything that is considered ‘bad’ for you) not because we’re craving it but because we feel we should be able to eat it. More of an attitude of ‘I should be able to eat whatever I want’, but no actual ‘I am hungry for this!’.

I realized when listening, generally, that is how I feel. I don’t eat in the evenings. If there is an event, or I would be offending a host I do, but on an average old day, I do not eat in the evening. This has been my diet since 2007. I know how much food to give my body during the day and I keep hydrated. I have this figured. But I come home from work and I’ll head for the freezer where I know mom hides the chocolate and the majority of the time I’m not craving chocolate. I just feel like I want chocolate, so I start searching the freezer for the chocolate. Normally, I end up closing the freezer door and making tea instead, and sometimes I take the sweet thing and put it in my purse to have around lunch the next day. But I wonder, why is it so difficult some days to close the refrigerator. It’s not because I’m hungry. It’s not because this is something new I’m trying. Even after all this time, there is part of me that feels like I should have what I want (and then the bigger lie) that ‘everyone else can eat what they want and not gain weight’.

Apparently I do have something to say about food. While I’m sure for some people the allure of food is a desire to explore new textures and tastes and experiment with spices and see what creation they can concoct. I think for some of us it is an attitude of I should be able to have what I want. We’re used to getting what we want, when we want it. ‘Wait’ or ‘no’ are dirty words. (I’m generalizing here and acknowledging that.) But even, for me, after I’ve seen proof that for me to not eat unless I am hungry gives positives results, it is still a subtle nagging struggle. But how better to win a struggle then to understand it?

Disclaimer: There are generalizations in this post and I do not mean to offend. I am not addressing anyone who is struggling with an eating disorder here or anyone who has food intolerances. I am fortunate to have never had to struggle with eating disorders, I also am not allergic to anything. For the latter, I’ve seen the struggle it can be to be intolerant to certain foods that are in what seems like everything, and I do not mean to slight that struggle in anyway. Same goes for eating disorders, I do not mean to slight that struggle many people have.