A bit late, but hello 2016

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Hello 2016,

You’re now 11 days old, somehow. So far you’ve started with a bang and (hopefully) the last bit of the Snowpocalypse . 2015 saw my family saying good bye to three family members as they left this life. 2016 you are not starting off on a good foot by us also saying good bye to another uncle.

You’re the first year I won’t have my grammy around. I know some day that will become real, but it still has not. It barely had become real that grandpa was gone.

Irrevocable change has happened, and there will be more to come. I am just hoping it will be of a different nature than 2015’s change.

2016, I apprehensively look forward to what you contain.


Monterey Bay Aquarium

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Ok. I was #alltheemotions this day.

On our drive to the Monterey Bay Aquarium, I tried calling my Grandma to try to talk to her. I talked to my aunt to see if that would be more stressful to have me calling or if it would be ok, and my aunt said it would be ok to call. I couldn’t get ahold of Grandma, but another aunt was staying near Grandpa’s side and I got ahold of her and she asks me ‘do you want to talk to Grandpa?’ The last I had heard was that he probably wasn’t going to make it, I hardly knew how to process this information. But it is a blessing I will never forget. I got to talk to Grandpa, and tell him I love him. That ended up being the last time I got to talk to him.

My emotions were already all over the place because despite everything going on, I was so excited about going to this aquarium. I had gone when I was kid and always wanted to go back.

Continue reading Monterey Bay Aquarium

Life and Then Some

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So much life has happened in the last month. So much so, I will be breaking it up into a few posts because I took alot of pictures, and you know I like to share pictures. What started as a trip to see my friends, going to a dear friend’s wedding, going to San Franscisco and Monterey Bay Aquarium, ended up with all of those things happening, but also my grandpa passing away.

Continue reading Life and Then Some

New Projects

My grandmother has been a widow since World War II.

That is only a slight exaggeration, but it is the version she tells when she wants to make a point. The literal truth is that she was widowed shortly before the 40s ended. She was 24.

Growing up with Grammy, hearing about her life, gave me a unique perspective on life and relationships. Mostly that there is no guarantee your beloved will be there forever. There is no way that she could have known before she turned 25 she’d be a widow with two little girls. I distinctly remember my 24th birthday and how strange it felt to think how Grammy’s life had been at that age.

When her husband passed away, Grammy moved in with her parents. Her father, told her that ‘if he had a crust of bread left, he’d give her half’. Having carried a large family through the Great Depression, he had a more literal understanding of that than I every could. My Grammy worked hard, and was determined to provide for her girls. She never remarried, the story goes that she didn’t want another man to be a father over ‘his’ girls.

As I grew up, I’d wonder, what would be harder…to never love someone? Or to lose them like Grammy? What would I rather? Normally, I’d say it would be harder to lose someone like Grammy had and I’d rather never love someone. Now I’m not so sure.

I’ve now finished four stories, and each time I’ve had the same reaction. For about a week there’s this emptiness like everything inside has been poured out and I need to reconnect with life around me. Dragon and Priest took more out of me then any of them since finishing my first book. Once I found my energy again and mentally went through the list of responsibilities that demanded my attention, I found myself dragging my feet to continue to work on my last fairy tale book. I decided The End to a Fairy Tale can wait a little longer, it’s not going anywhere, I want to write Grammy’s story.

I want to write about how she lived a life that she strived to give glory to God. How she taught her girls when they’d go places, to ‘remember Who you belong to.’ How she struggled, and went through very dark times, and it wasn’t easy. How more than anyone I have ever known, she relied on Christ in place of a husband. And I want to be able to hand her a copy of her story, show her, ‘look Grammy this is you, this way your great-grandchildren can learn the lessons when you’re gone that you taught me and mom.’ She always wanted to be a missionary and do great things for God, I want to show her how she has and how her story will live on.

I have alot of work ahead of me.